Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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