Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
