I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
handjob tips. give me some.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
