the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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