they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
