i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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