So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize