how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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