I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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