i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this just has baby written all over it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
