i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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