If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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