i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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