you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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