He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
