1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
