she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
