you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
