Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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