Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
