i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
