Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
