I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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