So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
