Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
