I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
