Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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