Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
