I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
