his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
