doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
