Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
