I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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