In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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