I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
