There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
