i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
