you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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