I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize