You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
