the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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