Say something about gay babies.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
