i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
