john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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