I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
