yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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