My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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