i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
