He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
