Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize