this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
