peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
