She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
