xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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