apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't deserve a penis
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
