so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
