he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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