I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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