We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
