I could have mohawked her pubes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
