her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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