You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize