it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize