What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize